New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
