i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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