meet me or not, i'm out of control
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
