why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
