drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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