Cold hands, warm shart.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Sorry my hands just texted you
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
