I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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