This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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