Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
A bitchslap is in order.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
