Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
