Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize