I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
