I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
