you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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