If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
My breasts were aching with rage.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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