So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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