all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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