Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Randomize
