Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
