I'm eating all of the evidence.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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