Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
