the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
you never un-have a 4some
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
