Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
