You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
