Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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