it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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