Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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