dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
