i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You ruined the universe
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
