she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
