I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
