Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
