Duck Duck Cougar?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize