she looked like the before picture.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
