Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
