if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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