Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
