I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
