u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
