What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Actions speak louder than pants.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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