Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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