she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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