i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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