Dude my mom stole all your condoms
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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