brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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