So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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