I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
