I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
