it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
