Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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