his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
