hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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