are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Randomize
