i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
