I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
