after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
