if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
