She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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