guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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