I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
