I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
