On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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