I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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