I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
