He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
