So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize