there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
that is very illegal...i love you.
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