The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
soo... how was my night?
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