Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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