the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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