Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
