the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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