my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
