id be glad to
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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